Clean hair: check!
Bag full of comfy clothes: check!
Ingredients for PB & Js: check!
Zack Morris under my arm: check!
Excitement/Readiness: the pen hasn't made it to the paper just yet...
Today included the last of my appointments pre-admission for the hospital stay. As a student of Psychology I was all pumped up to meet with the Neuropsychologist who I was scheduled with this morning, thinking to myself, "alright, lady, let's do this. Two can play this game." She must have seen me coming, though, and had to cut the appointment short due to "overlapping of patients." I think she mispronounced "intimidation." To add insult to injury, when asking my marital status, she was anything but surprised to hear that I was single. It was probably the hair... I did have time enough to get through the MMPI test, though. I must say, that thing is a little tricky. You have to decide whether the answer you're choosing is how you really feel OR if it's what you THINK you should feel. It's hard to know if you're being consistent. And there were a ton of questions about flowers? The results should be interesting to pick apart.
Next up was a MINCEP Wellness appointment. Let's put this simply...
These are incredibly entertaining and informative.
In all honesty, they really aren't that bad. I learned a lot about the seizures I have, which include Generalized Tonic-Clonic (Grand Mal), Simple Partial, and Absence (Petit Mal). Missy the nurse burned me once again by questioning my knowledge and ability to work a simple JVC VCR. Ummm, with all due respect, Nurse Missy, let's put 2 and 2 together--a VCR needs to be operated...a girl who grew up as the classic 90s kid is a candidate for VCR operation...can you say, "match made in heaven"?! Needless to say, I watched those videos like a boss and Missy didn't bother with anymore silly questions.
Once done with my sweet vids I was able to speak with a nurse who filled me in on the series of events that will take place upon Admission tomorrow morning. We'll start off with an MRI at 7:30 am (one of my least favorites, but potentially most informative) where I'll be trying to remember to keep my eyes closed, NOT watching myself go into the tiny tube and having a little freakout, knowing that I'll be stuck in there for the next hour, praying that I didn't forget about any metal that the gigantic magnet would pull from my body. Lovely, yes?
Immediately following the MRI I will be whisked away to my Unit that I will be calling home for the next 3-10 days, depending upon how quickly seizures are willing to come and how well they are able to read what the EEG shows. As I said a couple days ago, it's really weird to ask, but can we pray that I'll have some seizures this week? Even little ones will help us make some progress.
It's ridiculous to think that whatever happens this week is going to determine so much of what might happen in the future. I'm constantly being asked what every other college student is being asked: "what are you majoring in?" and when we tell them, "oh, okay. and what do you want to do with that when you're done?" and we try to play it cool with a vague answer, while in our minds, all we hear is, "holy crap, how am I supposed to know what will happen between now and then?!" Some do know what they want to do and where they'd like to go, and that is awesome. Sometimes I'm envious, I won't lie. On the other hand, I feel great about remaining open to opportunities. With everything going on in the medical category, though, I've been feeling frustrated, like I'm in a limbo position to hurry up and wait. But here's the thing: it's not up to me to make my plan. I figure there are two ways to look at it: 1) the way I have always looked at it: this is a pain in the butt standing in the way of planning my future. OR 2) the way I should be looking at it: this is my road. And what I need to accept is that all of this craziness is a part of exactly what is supposed to be happening. Regardless of the fact that I have NO IDEA where I'm going, this is the way to get there.
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